Family Cookbook

I found this wonderful site where you can enter the ingredients of a particular dish you make and it will give you all the nutritional facts about that dish. It's really neat. I'm planning on using this to make a cookbook up for each member of the family containing the favorite family dishes we prepare on the holidays. I'm really excited about this. I'm also planning on adding photos and maybe some family info regarding a particular dish, like how it started or just a funny story associated with it.

The planning of this little project of mine has been a blast. With each dish I add, I discover numerous memories once forgotten. I've also discovered new dishes that I think will be excellent additions to our feasting traditions. I can imagine the kin folk thumbing through the pages now. They'll laugh to themselves when they cross a particular recipe that strikes a chord. They'll pass this cookbook on to their own children, telling them about the times those meals were prepared that made them so special.

For as long as I can remember, my family has been centered around the kitchen table. It's not only a place where we filled our bellies, it was also a place where we filled our souls. We'd conversate, play games, do homework, or work on a project at that table. It was the hub of our existance. Well, still is actually. And I'm excited to be adding something to it. I'm also excited to know that my kids will get the opportunity to experience many of the same moments I did. As they pour over a favorite dish, they will be taking a little piece of the past along with them into the future.

Isn't that so cool!?

Where's The Catch?

I've decided to ignore the phone thing. I mentioned something to the new guy and he denied responsibility and I really can't prove anything. Not to mention, my phone is acting a little weird. It just seems a strange.

Basically, I've decided to put him on probation. Overall, he's been wonderful, if a bit hurried. This is the one thing negative I've seen so far, and I'm not even 100% certain he's behind it. I just wish I knew for certain. It would definitely make things easier to understand.

I don't know, maybe I'm just jumping at shadows here. I'm so used to drama from the men I date that it freaks me out when a guy seems to be legit. And that's really what has me spooked here. Other than the hurry he seems to be in, it's a great relationship for me. He does those little things that blow my mind, he's great with my kids, he seems to be tolerant of my imperfections. He seems like the perfect guy. And I don't want to be cynical and jaded and miss out on something because of it, but I can't help but ask, "Where's the catch?"

Curiouser, and curiouser, as Alice likes to put it.

I've been spiraling down a rabbit hole of late. I've found myself topsy-turvy in a land where not much makes sense. But, for the first time in the past couple of weeks, I have started seeing the devil behind the halo.

I've had this issue with my cell phone lately. For some reason, it doesn't seem to want to hold a charge, even with a full battery. That in itself is not strange. The fact that the new fella wants to buy me a new phone isn't even that odd. At least, not until I went through my address book on the old phone.

You see, if I keep give it a full charge and keep it on the charger, I can access the stuff on my phone for a few minutes. When I did that just recently, I noticed that I was missing a couple of entries in the address book. Two for certain. The thing is, they had the same name. It's the name of my ex. Sexy, and someone else with his name, have been deleted from the address book, and I'm not responsible.

I suppose it's my suspicious nature, but I can't help but wonder if the new guy deleted them and has offered to buy me a phone and put it on his account so that he can keep track of the people I call. On one hand, I can't blame the guy after he told me what his ex put him through when he was serving in Iraq. On the other hand, I did not give him permission to do this. In fact, he didn't ask permission or even mention the desire to do this. So, if he did indeed take this action, I find it very upsetting. I haven't even talked to Sexy in like a month. Not since the last time I saw him. Well, except for one text message where he asked me if I was having fun and I reassured him that I was.

So, now I find myself questioning everything about the new guy. What is he after and what is he willing to do to get it? How many lines will he cross and is trust going to always be an issue between us? Will I just end up paying for the sins of the women before me again?

I suppose I'll just have to ask him and find out, but I'm not feeling very comfortable right now. I don't like this. Even the fact that this could be the case doesn't sit well with me. So, tell me, am I wrong to be concerned?

Oxygen! Sweet Oxygen!

Do you know what happens when you jump into the deep end? You have to hold your breath longer, that's what.

Okay, almost two weeks and counting. One night apart. Endless hours spent together. I don't know what has happened to me. I must be out of my ever-lovin' mind. It's just that the numbers keep adding up: the number of ways he drives me wild, the number of moments that take my breath away, the number of times I've smiled or laughed, the number of times he's touched me like a man in love, the number of times he's proven himself a man of good character. Wow!

If only it were that easy. I just can't seem to let go of the past and leap into the future like he does. I keep waiting for the bad that always seems to balance the good. And, Lord, is there a lot of good to balance.

I guess I'm just not accustomed to men who move this quickly. The guys I have dated before approach a commited relationship like the plague. It allows me time to grow accustomed to it too. But not this guy. Maybe it's the military training, but he's got this seek-and-destroy attitude. Seek and destroy all resistance, all doubt, all fear. I do have this to say for the guy, he's good at what he does. If how he approaches me is any indication of how he approaches his job, the guy should be a freakin' general. His tactical skill is amazing!

That being said, I'm sort of relieved that he had to report back today. I get three whole days to rewind the past week and a half and analyze it. Where the hell did I lose all control? I don't get it. I throw myself into my relationships, but never like this. I don't freakin' lose it this quickly. I mean, it was like six month with Sexy before we even talked about dating exclusively. This guy is already talking about living with each other! Thank goodness I haven't lost all my marbles yet. I've managed to put the brakes on that much. Actually, I solved the problem by stating that if he could get my parents to agree that living together wouldn't be a problem, then I'd move in with him. Lol, he seems to think he can win them over this weekend. Then again, look at the damage he's done in a week and a half to me. Guess I shouldn't laugh, I might be living with him after this weekend.

You know, the thing that really gets me is that he's so good at killing me with kindness. He does these things that blow my mind. He picked up my guitar and played to me while I took a bath. He took over morning duties with the kiddies so I could sleep in. And don't get me wrong. I'm throwing up every resistance I can. The only reason he has met the kids this soon is that it was a futile attempt to scare the piss out of him. Wow, that so backfired on me. He really went above and beyond my expectations on that one. Now, my kids are in love with him which just binds him that much closer.

I really don't know what to do. I know I've said that before, but I don't think I've ever felt so out of control and frightened. I love being with him. I enjoy ever moment of his company. But am I ready for it to be for forever? This I am not certain of. Reality says that this is too good to be true. My heart says that only those who play the game get a chance to win. I just wish it didn't feel like it had to be all or nothing.

Oh, Lord! She's at it again!

I am a hazard to myself. This, I am certain of. For someone who hates getting burned so much, I play with fire way too often.

Okay, the whole Sexy thing is past. It's strange, really. Damn, I loved that man. I can't tell you how much I loved him or how hard it was to let him go. I don't think I ever could express how deeply I felt the emotions I did for him. But the thing that boggles my mind is the ending wasn't apocalyptic in nature. The angels did not weep, the sun didn't explode in the sky, nothing. The ending completely belied the intensity of the rest of our relationship. We just.....walked away.

I was planning on giving it some time before I tried the dating thing again. I have this routine of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I wanted to take some time, focus myself, build up the foundation of my life before trying to build more. I wanted to explore, see what the world had to offer. I wanted to celebrate my independence. I wanted to grow comfortable with being alone.

The funny thing about life is that it has a mind of its own. Here I am, minding my own business, trying to move forward, when BAM! All of the sudden, I'm neck deep in another romance, this one just as strange as the last. Half of me is so blown away by this new prospect. He's been everything I've ever wanted in a relationship. The things he's said and done has been beyond reproach. The other half of me is screaming, "What are you thinking!!!? Are you MAD, woman?!"

I don't know how this happened. I'm usually such a grounded person. I don't fall madly in love at first sight. I'm not so desperate for love that I cave at the first sign of tenderness, really I don't. And I don't take risks without weighing the pros and cons heavily first. I give things time, or I try my best. And yet, wow! All I can say is wow.

I don't know what to do. On one hand, I promised myself that I wouldn't become so jaded that I missed love and all the wonders of. On the other hand, I am so frightened. There seems to be so much at stake in such a short period of time. Did I say that things were intense with Sexy? Well, I have been educated, my friends. I have been educated.

A week ago today, I took a chance. I decided to meet someone face-to-face. I had been chatting with him online and on the phone for several weeks. I wasn't expecting more than the typical first date. Dinner, a movie, some conversation, and maybe a kiss good-bye. Our first date lasted 60 hours! And what's more, I would have loved for him to stay longer, but he had to work. You see, he's a soldier and you just don't call in sick to the Army. Otherwise, who knows how long the first date would have lasted.

I don't know. Maybe my brain hasn't recovered properly from the last go-round. And I realize it's still very early into the "honeymoon" phase. But, 60 hours, folks! The average date lasts 4 to 5 hours, so at a bare minimum, we put in about 12 dates in one weekend. And we've been almost inseparable since. In the last week, we spent one night apart.

I know, I'm an idiot. I'm begging for trouble. I would tell someone else in my shoes to stop right there and turn back around. I can make all the excuses in the world, but this is dumb. It just feels so right and so natural. I can't explain it.

I've been doing my best to put the brakes on this thing. I tell myself to stop and savor the experience. If he's the one after 60 hours, then he'll be the one after 60 days, 60 months, 60 years. And honestly, I am trying my best. We both have a nasty dating history. We have both made bad choices. These are very good reasons to take our time.

I say this, but I know myself too well. I don't need it, but that won't stop me from soaking up every second of it. He's coming over again tonight. It's our one week anniversary, lol. Yep, I'm a fool. Still, I'm a happy fool. Tomorrow morning, he'll watch my face as I sleep. He'll greet me with a cup of coffee he's made for me. He'll look into my eyes and wear this expression of wonder on his face. His eyes will hold unspoken amazement at how we arrived at this place. It will be a mirror of the same emotions on my face and in my eyes.

Yeah, I'm a hazard to myself. I'm going down like the Titanic and equivalent devastation is possible. I have not yet tread past the point of no return. I can still stop myself from falling into the deep end. The question is, do I want to?