It's been a while since I last blogged and I wonder if I even remember how. I can't imagine it's anything like riding a bike. More like falling off one really. I spew out words over and over and they crash onto my screen like a bucket of paint thrown onto a canvas. I wonder if anyone will make sense out of my chaos this evening.
I've been a busy girl lately. I'm still seeing the Sargent. Things are going quite well, actually. I should be moving in with him sometime in the next month. Talk about change. I swore once that I'd be happy to get married again as long as I never had to live with the guy. Now I'm moving in with Ssg. and we're not even married.
Of course, the "M" word has come up in conversation a time or two, and just as quickly, the subject gets changed. It's mutual. That's why I love the guy. He agrees with me on just about everything. Well, that and he treats me like a princess.
To say that I'm happy wouldn't be the complete truth. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I'm feeling. Yes, there's a sense of completeness that I feel about the latest decision to try the picket fence thing again. There's also a sense of loss that I can't quite explain. Or maybe I can explain it but don't wish to, not even to myself. Everything is still so sensitive, so delicate. I'm walking this fine line and I feel as though I will fall if I stop to examine things too closely. I know it has a lot to do with Sexy. It always has to do with him.
I've run into him a time or two since things ended with him. He knows I'm seeing Ssg. and he knows I'm moving to the Ft. Leonardwood area. He doesn't have much to say about it all; only questions if I'm doing the right thing. For that matter, so do I. But then, I think about how Ssg. goes to church with me, how he played his guitar for me while I took a bath, how he now has a stitches count of 13 because he's been burning the candle at both ends trying to remodel this house for us. Everything he does is about building a relationship with me.
Anyway, perhaps I'm just a little gun shy about relationships. It could even be that I'm not used to someone putting in that much effort when it comes to me. Sexy is a good man, but he's a terrible boyfriend. Ssg. is both a good man and an excellent boyfriend. It's taking some getting used to.
Well, the latest storm is winding down, and so am I. I should be getting some sleep. I have the chitlins tonight and they will be up early in the morning. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and doing fine. Next time, I'll tell y'all about the fine abode that Ssg. is building for me. It's a dump now, but it has some amazing potential. I just thank God that I'm dating a man who knows what the heck he's doing. I just pray that I know what I'm doing too.
