My kids have been growning right before my eyes. It doesn't seem that long ago that my twin boys fit between my hand and my elbow. Now I wonder if I only imagined them being that small. Time has certainly changed my babies.
I've been thinking a lot about how time has passed. It has been flowing like a river. When I was younger, it drifted like a gentle stream. I could pick my coarse as I saw fit. I could laze away and let it carry me, with no concern about where I was going.
Now time is like a raging river, deeper, stronger, with no control of where it takes me or how fast. I blink and I'm miles away from where I was. I can't staunch it and don't dare turn my back on it or I'll be swept under. What I wouldn't give for the carefree days of my youth.
It's been two years since I moved in with Handsome. Two years of navigating these waters with him. Time has changed so much around us, and yet, I wonder if it has changed enough. The raft that is our relationship doesn't seem strong enough to endure this trip some days. The biggest problem though is that we're both trying to captain the ship with different destinations in mind. We're fighting against each other instead of with each other and neither of us is willing to give up control.
I thought, perhaps, I was strong enough to let Handsome steer, but I find I do not like the direction he wants to take and there's only so much pride I wish to swallow. If I don't give up control, however, will be both end up too weak to make a difference when the time comes?
I'm no longer certain as to what to do. Do I give up control or kick his butt off my boat? I know I'll need to make a decision soon or we'll both be swept into the ocean before we know it. It's time for change. It's always time for change. I just wish I could make time stop just long enough to figure out the right thing to do. I wish there was enough time left. But there is never enough time, is there? Never enough.
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