The more things change, the more things stay the same. I can't tell you how often I have heard these words from my parents, but I didn't understand the meaning until now.





My chaotic life has carried me forward. I have been living with Ssg. for several months now. It feels like forever. I can't tell you how different this relationship is from all the ones I've been in before. This man is my perfect half. We work so well together in almost every aspect of our relationship. He makes me laugh, he lifts my spirits when I am down, he motivates me, he challenges me. So short of a time together and he knows me better than any other man has known me.





So why do I keep thinking about Sexy? It's been forever since I have communicated with him. I have spent this whole time with a man who loves and appreciates me. I have the man that every woman claims to desire. Strong, sensitive, passionate, caring, a loving father, a hard worker, a provider, a romantic. He admits when he's wrong. He treats me like a princess. What the heck is wrong with me!?





I want to know. Honestly, I do. I need to know why I can still smell Sexy's cologne, feel his hair through my fingers (his hair was sooooo soft!), why can I still feel him, taste him, hear him?





Okay, I admit, Sexy is the better lover of the two. Surely that is such a petty reason to still be missing him so much. Surely, I'm beyond that. I mean, Ssg. isn't bad. He's attentive, passionate, and he wants so badly to please me. We have a wonderful love life. Ssg. is definately in my top two.



I guess I just want to know why I'm even entertaining thoughts of Sexy. Sexy is a good man, but he wasn't good for me. Ssg. is good for me in every way. I really can't explain it better than to say he is the other half of me. If I was a dude, I'd be him. And nothing in this world could make me want to hurt him. I don't want to lose what I have with him. I have no reason to be thinking of some other guy. But I can't seem to stop myself. Sexy had such an impact on me, and I don't know how to shake him.