Oh, Lord! She's at it again!

I am a hazard to myself. This, I am certain of. For someone who hates getting burned so much, I play with fire way too often.

Okay, the whole Sexy thing is past. It's strange, really. Damn, I loved that man. I can't tell you how much I loved him or how hard it was to let him go. I don't think I ever could express how deeply I felt the emotions I did for him. But the thing that boggles my mind is the ending wasn't apocalyptic in nature. The angels did not weep, the sun didn't explode in the sky, nothing. The ending completely belied the intensity of the rest of our relationship. We just.....walked away.

I was planning on giving it some time before I tried the dating thing again. I have this routine of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I wanted to take some time, focus myself, build up the foundation of my life before trying to build more. I wanted to explore, see what the world had to offer. I wanted to celebrate my independence. I wanted to grow comfortable with being alone.

The funny thing about life is that it has a mind of its own. Here I am, minding my own business, trying to move forward, when BAM! All of the sudden, I'm neck deep in another romance, this one just as strange as the last. Half of me is so blown away by this new prospect. He's been everything I've ever wanted in a relationship. The things he's said and done has been beyond reproach. The other half of me is screaming, "What are you thinking!!!? Are you MAD, woman?!"

I don't know how this happened. I'm usually such a grounded person. I don't fall madly in love at first sight. I'm not so desperate for love that I cave at the first sign of tenderness, really I don't. And I don't take risks without weighing the pros and cons heavily first. I give things time, or I try my best. And yet, wow! All I can say is wow.

I don't know what to do. On one hand, I promised myself that I wouldn't become so jaded that I missed love and all the wonders of. On the other hand, I am so frightened. There seems to be so much at stake in such a short period of time. Did I say that things were intense with Sexy? Well, I have been educated, my friends. I have been educated.

A week ago today, I took a chance. I decided to meet someone face-to-face. I had been chatting with him online and on the phone for several weeks. I wasn't expecting more than the typical first date. Dinner, a movie, some conversation, and maybe a kiss good-bye. Our first date lasted 60 hours! And what's more, I would have loved for him to stay longer, but he had to work. You see, he's a soldier and you just don't call in sick to the Army. Otherwise, who knows how long the first date would have lasted.

I don't know. Maybe my brain hasn't recovered properly from the last go-round. And I realize it's still very early into the "honeymoon" phase. But, 60 hours, folks! The average date lasts 4 to 5 hours, so at a bare minimum, we put in about 12 dates in one weekend. And we've been almost inseparable since. In the last week, we spent one night apart.

I know, I'm an idiot. I'm begging for trouble. I would tell someone else in my shoes to stop right there and turn back around. I can make all the excuses in the world, but this is dumb. It just feels so right and so natural. I can't explain it.

I've been doing my best to put the brakes on this thing. I tell myself to stop and savor the experience. If he's the one after 60 hours, then he'll be the one after 60 days, 60 months, 60 years. And honestly, I am trying my best. We both have a nasty dating history. We have both made bad choices. These are very good reasons to take our time.

I say this, but I know myself too well. I don't need it, but that won't stop me from soaking up every second of it. He's coming over again tonight. It's our one week anniversary, lol. Yep, I'm a fool. Still, I'm a happy fool. Tomorrow morning, he'll watch my face as I sleep. He'll greet me with a cup of coffee he's made for me. He'll look into my eyes and wear this expression of wonder on his face. His eyes will hold unspoken amazement at how we arrived at this place. It will be a mirror of the same emotions on my face and in my eyes.

Yeah, I'm a hazard to myself. I'm going down like the Titanic and equivalent devastation is possible. I have not yet tread past the point of no return. I can still stop myself from falling into the deep end. The question is, do I want to?