Do you know what happens when you jump into the deep end? You have to hold your breath longer, that's what.
Okay, almost two weeks and counting. One night apart. Endless hours spent together. I don't know what has happened to me. I must be out of my ever-lovin' mind. It's just that the numbers keep adding up: the number of ways he drives me wild, the number of moments that take my breath away, the number of times I've smiled or laughed, the number of times he's touched me like a man in love, the number of times he's proven himself a man of good character. Wow!
If only it were that easy. I just can't seem to let go of the past and leap into the future like he does. I keep waiting for the bad that always seems to balance the good. And, Lord, is there a lot of good to balance.
I guess I'm just not accustomed to men who move this quickly. The guys I have dated before approach a commited relationship like the plague. It allows me time to grow accustomed to it too. But not this guy. Maybe it's the military training, but he's got this seek-and-destroy attitude. Seek and destroy all resistance, all doubt, all fear. I do have this to say for the guy, he's good at what he does. If how he approaches me is any indication of how he approaches his job, the guy should be a freakin' general. His tactical skill is amazing!
That being said, I'm sort of relieved that he had to report back today. I get three whole days to rewind the past week and a half and analyze it. Where the hell did I lose all control? I don't get it. I throw myself into my relationships, but never like this. I don't freakin' lose it this quickly. I mean, it was like six month with Sexy before we even talked about dating exclusively. This guy is already talking about living with each other! Thank goodness I haven't lost all my marbles yet. I've managed to put the brakes on that much. Actually, I solved the problem by stating that if he could get my parents to agree that living together wouldn't be a problem, then I'd move in with him. Lol, he seems to think he can win them over this weekend. Then again, look at the damage he's done in a week and a half to me. Guess I shouldn't laugh, I might be living with him after this weekend.
You know, the thing that really gets me is that he's so good at killing me with kindness. He does these things that blow my mind. He picked up my guitar and played to me while I took a bath. He took over morning duties with the kiddies so I could sleep in. And don't get me wrong. I'm throwing up every resistance I can. The only reason he has met the kids this soon is that it was a futile attempt to scare the piss out of him. Wow, that so backfired on me. He really went above and beyond my expectations on that one. Now, my kids are in love with him which just binds him that much closer.
I really don't know what to do. I know I've said that before, but I don't think I've ever felt so out of control and frightened. I love being with him. I enjoy ever moment of his company. But am I ready for it to be for forever? This I am not certain of. Reality says that this is too good to be true. My heart says that only those who play the game get a chance to win. I just wish it didn't feel like it had to be all or nothing.
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