The Ultimate Cure

Written August 14, 2007


I’m supposed to be doing my homework right now, but I can’t seem to get my head in the game tonight. There’s just too much going on in the noggin right now to concentrate on something that seems so trivial. Not that homework is trivial. Homework is actually a big deal, since a good grade is crucial to my degree which is crucial to my future. However, looking at what I will have to deal with tomorrow makes it difficult to concentrate on what I must do now in order to make my distant future better.

Tomorrow, I do battle with my ex. My stomach gets queasy thinking about it. I have to call him up and tell him that I’m not returning the kids at the court appointed time. It’s going to be WWIII. If I could avoid talking to him at all, it would definitely be the route I would take. However, it just doesn’t work like that. Not for me anyway.

Here’s the situation: my twin sons need dental surgery. It’s sad to say that at three years of age, their teeth need that kind of attention, but they only receive the care they need in that department half of the time (the half that I have custody). Since they are so young, they have to be taken to the hospital and knocked out. Unfortunately, the only days that their dentist schedules those procedures is on Friday mornings, which is my ex’s custody period.

You would think that my ex would be helpful when it comes to getting them the medical care they need. After all, I carry the insurance on them. He has no out of pocket expense for any of their medical needs, other than over the counter medicines that he would administer during his custody period. I make all the appointments, make sure they arrive at said appointments, and take care of all prescriptions. The only requirement he has it to communicate with me about it.

The communication part is where we have the problem. I’ve tried talking to him numerous times about getting this done in the past year. He won’t talk to me at all. I’ve had the kids’ dentist talk to him about why they need this done. He refuses to cooperate. Simply put, he refuses to let this happen simply because I want this done. The part that really burns me up though is the fact that my hands are tied. I have to do something illegal in order to get my kids taken care of.

I’ve searched for every possible route to get this taken care of without bending or breaking rules. It’s not to save my ex any aggravation, but for the sake of my kids. I have no desire to use them as a weapon in the post-divorce war games that my ex and I play. I’m not even a willing participant in the war games, truth be told. I just wish that the feeling was mutual. It makes me physically ill to have to battle with someone this way. Granted, all the warm feelings that I once felt for this man are like a fart in the wind. Still, I did love him once upon a time. I thought that he had loved me too, in his own warped little way. But regardless of us, I had hoped that he cared enough for the kids not to do this to them. And it’s intentional, no doubt about it. He told the dentist that he didn’t want it done because I did. That’s his only excuse. I want my kids mended, so he fights me on it.

I can’t begin to explain the emotional toll this has taken on me, mainly because it is so unnecessary. The worst part is that it’s not going to be over tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll keep the kids instead of sending them back so that they can get their cavities filled on Friday morning. Tomorrow, I’ll call him and let him know what I’m doing because it is required. Tomorrow, he’ll call me up, I’ll have to answer, and he’ll call me names and threaten me. I imagine that I’ll be served papers for contempt of court in less than two weeks. I am the one breaking a court order, after all. The judge will decide that I was within my rights to do this, no doubt about it. I made sure that those rights were granted to me in the divorce documents. Still, it’s one more unnecessary fight, one more thing that causes the gap to widen, one more thing he’ll hold against me. It means that I’ll have to fight that much harder the next time to get something done.

I suppose, in context, this is why I should be doing my homework right now. A degree means a better job. A better job means a firmer foundation for raising my kids and more money for the court costs. I imagine that I’ll be seeing the inside of the courthouse quite a bit in the upcoming years. Of course, knowing this does nothing to help with my concentration. I wonder if they make a pill to cure ex husbands?